Friends Episode 1 Season 1:The one where Monica gets a new roommate.
老友记第1季第1集：莫妮卡的新室友。
Part1
Monica: There’s nothing to tell. It’s just some guy I work with.
没什么可说的。只不过是我的同事而已。
Joey: C’mon, you’re going out with the guy. There’s gotta be something wrong with him!
少来了，你和那个人出去约会，他一定是有什么问题！
Chandler: All right, Joey. Be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
好啦，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背吗？驼背又带假发？
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? ‘Cause I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Carl, oh!
慢着，他吃粉笔吗？我只是不想她重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。喔！
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s not. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
好吧，大家淡定。淡定。这甚至都不算是约会。完全不算。只不过是两个人出去吃晚餐，也不做♥爱。
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
听起来简直就像是一个约会。
Chandler: Alright, so I’m back in high school, I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
好啦，回到中学那个时候，我站在自助餐厅中♥央，突然发现自己全身赤♥裸。
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
哦，耶，做过那样的梦。
Chandler: Then I look down and I realize there is a phone…there.
然后我低头一看，发现有一支电话……在那儿。
Joey: Instead of. Chandler: That’s right!
而不是……？没错！
Joey: Never had that dream.
从没做过那样的梦。
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
突然，那个电话响起来了。
Chandler: Now I don’t know what to do? Everybody starts looking at me.
然后我不知道该怎么办，大家都开始看着我。
Monica: They weren’t looking at you before?
之前他们就没看着你？
Chandler: Finally, I figure I’d better answer it.
最后，我觉得应该接这个电话。
Chandler: And it turns out it’s my mother. Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
结果是我妈妈（打来的）。这十分十分的奇怪，因为她从来不给我打电话。
Ross: Hi.
嗨。
Joey: This guy says “Hello”，I wanna kill myself.
这家伙说句“你好”，我都想自♥杀。
Monica: You okay? Sweetie!
亲爱的，你还好吧？
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck.
注释:intestine：肠。
我就感觉好像有人将手伸进我的喉咙，抓住我的小肠，从我的嘴里拉出来再缠在我的脖子上。
Chandler: Cookie?
要饼干吗？
Monica: Carol moved her stuff out today.
卡箩今天搬走了她的东西。
Monica: Let me get you some coffee.
我给你弄杯咖啡。
Ross：Thanks.
谢谢。
Ross: No, Oh! No don’t! Stop cleansing my aura. Just leave my aura alone, okay?
不，喔！不，不要！不要清理我的气息！离我的气息远点，好吗？
Phoebe：Fine, be murky.
注释:murky：阴郁的，抑郁的。
好吧！继续抑郁吧！
Ross: I’ll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be happy.
我会没事的，好不好？真的，各位，我希望她会幸福。
Monica: No, you don’t.
不，你并不希望。
Ross: No I don’t, to hell with her, she left me!
不，我不会的，让她见鬼去吧，是她抛弃了我！
Joey: You never knew she was a lesbian?
你从来都不知道她是女同性恋？
Ross: No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
不知道！行了吧？为什么每个人总是揪着这点不放？
Ross: She didn’t know. How should I know?
她都不知道，我又怎么会知道？
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud?
有时候我希望我是女同性恋。我大声说出来啦？
Ross: I told Mom and Dad last night. They seemed to take it pretty well.
我昨晚告诉爸爸妈妈了，他们似乎很好地接受了。
Monica: Oh, really? So that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3:00 A.M. , “I’ll never have grandchildren, I’ll never have grandchildren.” was what? A wrong number?
注释:hysterical：歇斯底里的。
噢，真的吗？那我凌晨三点接到一个歇斯底里的女人打来的电话，她在电话中抽泣说“我不会有孙子了，我不会有孙子了 ” 那是怎么回事？打错电话啦？
Ross: Sorry.
对不起。
Joey: Alright Ross, look, you’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re angry. You’re hurting.
没事的，罗斯。听着，你现在感到很痛苦，你很生气，你感到很受伤。
Joey: Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints!
注释:Strip joints：脱♥衣舞俱乐部。
我能告诉你答案是什么吗？脱♥衣舞俱乐部！
Joey: C’mon, you’re single! Have some hormones.
拜托，你单身了，注入一些荷尔蒙吧！
Ross: See，but I don’t want to be single, okay?
可我不想单身，好不好？
Ross: I just…I just，I just want to be married again.
我只是……我只是，我只是想再婚。
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
而我只想要100万美金！
Monica: Rachel?
瑞秋？
Rachel: Oh, God, Monica hi! Thank God!
噢，老天，莫妮卡，你好，感谢上帝！
Rachel: I just went to your building, and you weren’t there, and this guy with a big hammer said that you might be here, and you are you are.
我刚到你那里去，而你不在，那个拿着大锤子的家伙说你可能在这里，你真在这里，你真在这里。
Waitress：Can I get you some coffee?
给你来点咖啡？
Monica: Decaf.
注释:Decaf: 无咖啡♥因的咖啡。
无咖啡♥因的。
Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
好了，各位，这位是瑞秋，林肯高中的另一个幸存者。
Monica: This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe and Joey. And, you remember my brother, Ross?
这就是各位啦，这是钱德勒，菲比和乔伊。还有，你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
Rachel: Sure!
当然。
Ross：Hi。
你好。
Monica: So You wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
那么你是现在告诉我们呢，还是说我们等四位湿漉漉的伴娘来？
Rachel: Oh God…Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.
哦，天呐，好吧，这大概发生在婚礼前半个小时。
Rachel: I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat.
我当时在放置礼品的房间里，我正看着那个船型酱汁杯。
Rachel: This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. When all of a sudden I realized…Sweet ‘n’ Lo?
注释:Limoges gravy boat: Limoges 里摩日，一种法国名牌餐具。Gravy boat：船型酱汁杯。
注释:Sweet’n’Lo：sweet and low的简称，既甜又低热量，低脂糖。
那是个非常好看的船型酱汁杯。当时，突然，我意识到……低脂糖？
Rachel: I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry!
我发现比起巴里，这个船型酱汁杯更让我冲动！
Rachel: And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me: How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y’know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but.
然后我真是吓到了，就在那时我突然想到：巴里看起来有多像土豆头先生，你们知道的，我的意思是，我总觉得他看起来很眼熟，但是……
Rachel: Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering, “Why am I doing this, ” and “Who am I doing this for?”
无论如何，我必须离开那里，然后我开始思考：“我为什么这样做”以及“我这样做为了谁？”
Rachel: So anyway, I just didn’t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
反正我不知道该去哪里，而且我知道你和我有点疏远了，但你是我认识的人里唯一住在这个城市的。
Monica: Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.
没被邀请参加婚礼的人。
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue…
噢，我有点希望这不是什么问题……
Monica: Now I’m guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she’s really not happy about it.
注释:pipe organ：管风琴。
现在我猜他给她买了个大管风琴，而她很不喜欢。
Chandler: Tuna or egg salad! Decide!
金枪鱼或鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！
Ross：I’ll have whatever Christina’s having.
克莉丝汀有什么我就要什么。
Rachel: Daddy, I just I can’t marry him. I’m sorry. I just don’t love him. Well, it matters to me!
爸爸，我就是不能嫁给他！对不起，我就是不爱他。额，但那对我很重要！
Phoebe: “If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. ”
“如果我松开我的头发，我的头会掉下来的。”
Chandler: Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
噢，她真不应该穿那条裤子。
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
我说把她推下楼梯。
All: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
把她推下楼梯！推下楼梯！推下楼梯！
Rachel: C’mon Daddy, listen to me! It’s like, it’s like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, “You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe!’.
爸爸，听我说！就好像，就好像在我一生中，每个人都告诉我，“你是鞋子！你是鞋子，你是鞋子，你是鞋子！”
Rachel: And today I just stopped and I said, What if I don’t wanna be a shoe? What if I want to be a，a purse? Y’know? Or a，or a hat!
然后今天，我制止了，我说：假如我不想成为鞋子呢？如果我想成为一个包？你知道吗，或者，嗯，一个帽子！”
Rachel: No, I don’t want you to buy me a hat! I’m saying I am a ha…It’s a metaphor, Daddy!
不，我不是让你给我买帽子，我是说我是一顶帽……这是个比喻，老爸！
Ross: You can see where he’d have trouble.
你能发现他哪里出了问题。
Rachel: Look, Daddy, it’s my life. Well, maybe I’ll just stay here with Monica.
爸爸，这是我的生活。也许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起。
Monica: Well, I guess we’ve established she’s staying here with Monica…
额，我想我们都确定了她和Monica住这里了……
Rachel: Well, maybe that’s my decision. Well, maybe I don’t need your money. Wait! I said maybe!
也许那是我的决定，呵，也许我不需要你的钱。等等！我是说也许！
Monica: Just breathe, breathe…that’s it. Just try to think of nice calm things.
呼吸，呼吸，就这样。试着只想一些让你镇定的好东西。
Phoebe: Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens. Doorbells and sleigh bells. And something with mittens La la la something. And noodles with string…
玫瑰上的雨滴，还有猫的胡须，门铃和雪橇铃还有小手套。啦啦啦，还有一些面条……
Rachel: I’m all better now.
我现在好多了。
Phoebe: I helped.
我帮上忙啦！
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y’know?
听着，这或许是最好的结果，知道吗？
Monica: Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, ‘hat’ thing.
独立了，把握自己的生活。就像你说的“帽子”的事情。
Joey: And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
还有，你还需要什么，你随时可以来找乔伊。
Joey: Me and Chandler live right across the hall. And He’s away a lot.
我和钱德就住在对面。而且他经常不在。
Monica: Joey, Stop hitting on her! It’s her wedding day.
乔伊，不要勾引她了！今天是她结婚的日子！
Joey: What, like there’s a rule or something?
怎么啦，好像这还有什么规定吗？
Chandler: I got it. Please don’t do that again. It’s a horrible sound.
我来。请不要再这么干了，这是很难听的声音。
Paul：Uh, It’s, it’s Paul.
额，我是，我是保罗。
Monica: Oh, God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in.
噢，天呐，到6:30了吗？让他进来！
Joey: Who’s Paul?
谁是保罗？
Ross: Paul, the wine guy? Paul?
保罗，“酒男”保罗？
Monica: Maybe.
也许是吧。
Joey: Wait a minute. Your ‘not a real date’ tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
等等，你今晚的“不是真正约会” 是和“酒男”保罗？
Ross: He finally asked you out? Monica: Yes!
他终于约你出去啦？是的！
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
噢，这可真是个可以载入日记的时刻。
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel….
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消……
Rachel: Ooh God, Please, no, go, I’ll be fine!
不，天啊，拜托，不用了，你去吧，我挺好的！
Monica: Ooh, Ross, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
哦，罗斯，你还好吧？我是说，你希望我留下来吗？
老友记.本章节注释
intestine：肠。
murky：阴郁的，抑郁的。
hysterical：歇斯底里的。
Strip joints：脱♥衣舞俱乐部。
Decaf: 无咖啡♥因的咖啡。
Limoges gravy boat: Limoges 里摩日，一种法国名牌餐具。Gravy boat：船型酱汁杯。
Sweet’n’Lo：sweet and low的简称，既甜又低热量，低脂糖。
pipe organ：管风琴。
